Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
