i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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