I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
