i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
