When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
