Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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