I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
