I want to stick my p in your. b.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
