So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
