God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
