I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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