I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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