I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
