do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
