There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
