drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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