All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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