I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dear god my vagina.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
