Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
