addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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