If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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