yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
