WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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