wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
