Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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