Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i came on her dog
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
