She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
