I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
