They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
