I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
