We should be called the Road Head Warriors
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
