we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
