just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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