I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
