I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
