I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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