That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Who died my cat blue again?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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