I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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