i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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