i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
