I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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