We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
