Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

I am going to give you the keys to my place

(1-561): View more from Florida

Then I'll give you the keys to my heart

(561): View more from Florida

Gag me

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(248): View more from Michigan

Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!

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(330): View more from Ohio

we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.

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(518): View more from New York

I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights

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(928): View more from Arizona

I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.

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