the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
