I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
