Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
