Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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