My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
