Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
