i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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