we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
